Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Bad Writin’ = Bad Readin’

As my mentor, Mark Twain, once said: “Good readin’ is hard writin’.”  And, Mark might have added, “Bad proofin’ is ridiculous readin’.”
Bad Readin’ #1--A 69-year-old motorcyclist hit and killed a pedestrian here Saturday.  Now, since 99% of the eight zillion motorcycles hereabouts are extremely loud Harleys, this means that the victim was either a) stone deaf, or b) stone drunk, or c) stoned period, or d) old as dirt and too slow on the giddy-up, or, as appears more likely the case, the geezer biker e) “confused” the throttle for the brake and instead of screeching to a halt the bike instead rocketed right straight away ahead forward.  The biker, of course, also did some rocketing himself, namely, right straight away ahead forward off his machine.  Although there was no mention of a seat-belt (don’t laugh), for some reason, though there was zero mention of trauma to the coconut, the twitty reporter just had to add that the biker was not wearing a helmet.  The reporter did state that the biker was treated for “serious” injuries but then added in the same breath that he was released right away, as in five-minutes-after-entering right away.  Don’t sound too serious to this un.  See?  Totally brainless writing

Note #1--It ain’t every day when one hears of a motorcycle hitting and smiting a pedestrian.  Wonder if a walker has ever been smote by a cyclist?

Note #2: Your blogger would be derelict in his duty if he failed to note that a 61-year-old cyclist was run over and killed by a car yesterday in virtually the same spot as the above. 

Note #3--Wild squirrels. . . . We human beans don’t know nuttin’. . . .We just like wild squirrels, trying to cross road. 

Bad Readin’ #2--After a tip from a concerned citizen, North Port police responded to a local motel where they arrived just in time to see a suicidal sixty-year-old cross the line from theory to practice.  An ugly mess.  When someone uses a .45 to kill themselves it is . . . it is just so . . . well, I have seen the JFK autopsy photos and you have heard that old saying about someone “having their brains blown out”  . . . well, it is true . . . when someone is shot in the head with a high-powered something-or-other the brains are often blown clean from the head, leaving only a fractured shell of skull.  That’s what I mean by “ugly.”
I always find suicide stories sad/happy, bitter/sweet; sad/bitter in that living has become so unbearable for the suicider that even a painful death and a step off into the unknown is preferable to a painful life; happy/sweet in that the poor sufferer is finally at peace . . . or so we hope.
What makes the above story noteworthy, however, is the shoddy writing of the reporter, or rather, the shoddy proofing of the editor.
“Authorities responding to a welfare check early Monday morning at a local motel. . . ,” the story begins.  Huh?  For a second, I honestly did think the article was something about welfare fraud.  But the piece goes on. . . .
“The welfare check request led authorities to the Budget Inn, located in. . . ,” redunderates the reporter.
Hmmmm?  “Welfare check”?  Surely, “safety check” would have worked better here, no?  Or, just perish the “welfare” and strike the “check” altogether and replace with “safety concern,” as in “Authorities responding to a safety concern Monday morning at a local motel. . . .”
Jeez.  Rereading the above and my monomania on a two-word phrase appearing in a Blivitsburg newspaper makes me wonder: Have I finally gone nutz?  Have I been blogging about senile seniors so long and their demented “letters to the editor” and their loon rants about such weighty subjects as women being called “guys” (“Guys, Geckos & Geezers,” 7.12.11) and their cracked thoughts on “smells” (“Nothing But News,” 2.3.12) and their nut sack worries about using phrases such as “passing away” in lieu of “dying” in the obits (“Spring Sprung or, Reptile Rapture,” 3.26.13), well, after rereading the above maybe it’s me, myself, I, that have gone batz. 
Geezer?  Geezer?  Am I are one?
Spring Break, Spring Broken—Daytona has thrown in the beach towel.  Hoteliers and merchants figure that the spring breakers just ain’t worth the annual hassle and fol de rol.  These so-called college students and the millions they shell out in parental play dough each spring still don’t add up to all the crap Daytona Beach has to deal with, figuratively and quite literally. 
“Three [Daytona] hotels were shut down amid reports of urine, vomit and feces in the halls and stairways,” ran one report.
Drunken fools who drink not only as much as they want, but drink as much as they can, moronic brawls, riots, broken windows, destroyed furniture, idiots falling off balconies, major fights, stupidity, drownings, vandalism, rape—no Texas cowboys ever tore up Dodge City more thoroughly than these drunken simpletons tore up Daytona Beach per annum.  And so, while one welcome mat is withdrawn many tens of thousands of these vomit birds flock now to the Florida Panhandle.  Unfortunately, and as reported in this blog before, thousands of others have also “discovered” the secret of these Gulf keys, Siesta, Long Boat and  Manasota.  Lucky us!