Let’s face it, “dirty old men” have pretty much had a corner on disgusting depravity and degeneracy for decades now. Judging by recent reports, it would seem that down here in South Florida such crimes are a market our salty seniors don’t plan on relinquishing.
Other age groups, from puberty up, engage in depraved behavior, ‘tis true, but simple longevity has allowed the geezer to perfect the art of human degeneracy to a point at which no other age group can hope to compete. Whether they are flashing little girls, or buggering little boys, whether they are, with mouths adrool, merely leering at the undeveloped butts and boobs of tweeners, or whether, like the Geezer Squeezer "Doc" over by Miami giving free door-to-door breast exams, senior sex sleezers seem to have it all. Of course, few acts in the course of human events are more loathsome and disgusting than a sexto-, septo-, octo- or nonagenarian whacking his meat weasel in public for all to see.
Not only has longevity aided the coots above, but it also insures that oldsters will take their rightful place among the other age groups in other crime categories. As any rocket scientist, brain surgeon or Mensa member who follows this blog will quickly attest, seniors are already making their mark in robberies, domestic disputes, assaults, bank jobs, murders (a 60-year-old just stabbed to death two men in a bar brawl in Melbourne, Florida, this week) and indeed, in all forms of crime. And, this blogger also notes that geezers are making waves elsewhere, notably among the ranks of those busted on dope raps, both using and dealing. Just last week, two local characters almost in their sixties, one Mork Anthony Smith and one Julius Geezer Jones, were hauled in for peddling poison here in Charlotte County.
So you see, t’would seem indeed that in Florida the sky’s the limit where growing old disgracefully is concerned.
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Rant Therapy--Almost always—nay, ALWAYS always—our local fish wrap gives waaaaay too much space to the cranks and crazies who feel compelled to ventilate, those who must get something "off their chests.” These “Rants to the Editor” (once known as “Letters to the Editor”) are the first time that many have gotten their literary feet wet in public, so to speak. Alas, most should have not gone near the water.
Almost always--nay, ALWAYS always--the first-timers try to sound far more learned and intelligent than they really are. From the looks of the letters, most writers spend more time checking the dictionary for the biggest multi-syllabel words they can find rather than actually trying to nail a point. For these literary giants, first order of business is to sound high-toned and intelligent and not embarrass the good name of Norton, Kramden, Abbott, or Costello. Example:
Almost always--nay, ALWAYS always--the first-timers try to sound far more learned and intelligent than they really are. From the looks of the letters, most writers spend more time checking the dictionary for the biggest multi-syllabel words they can find rather than actually trying to nail a point. For these literary giants, first order of business is to sound high-toned and intelligent and not embarrass the good name of Norton, Kramden, Abbott, or Costello. Example:
It has come to our considered attention that our esteemed and misguided city council has presumed a prerogative that our magisterial and legitimate legal authorities and American jurisprudence may question in proper venues and in court and who propose to suborn the lawfully elected mushroom soup.
Other ranters get po’ed at something they read in the paper and feel “compelled” to respond.
Harvey Swartz: “It takes a lot to get me riled, but. . . . “
The All-Seeing Eye Sez: No it doesn’t, Harv. You get “riled” at virtually everything that doesn’t meet your standard of decency and dullness.
Morris Blumberg: “I feel it my duty to respond on behalf of all those. . . .”
The All-Seeing Eye Sez: Your duty, Moe? Who appointed you local Indian lookout and moral Boy Scout for our lives? And “all those”? You mean on behalf of yourself and your wife, don’t you, Moe?
Wilbur Bumstead: “Everyone in this country has the right to express their own opinions, but. . . .
The All-Seeing Eye Sez: Well, not really. Anyone who expresses an idea that differs from Wilbur’s is no better than an un-American atheist tub of pond scum who probably joins peace marches, engages in free sex and probably opposes the good old fashioned American method of torturing our enemies to death at Gitmo and the other six hundred American military prisons around the globe.
Others get just a bit carried away with their anger. Other than taking it out on their wives and the furniture, venting in the newspapers is the best they can do. Here are a few random rants that have hit Florida fish wraps in the last few weeks:
I have never written to the paper before but I feel compelled to. . . .
I want to register a complaint about. . . .
I am disgusted by those who blame this grate country for. . . .
I hate it when some people defecate on. . . .
God knows my hart, but sometimes I want to phisicaly hurt those who. . . .
I hope all them that voted for that peece of garbige die horribel deaths. . . .
I want to poke the Eyeballs out of anyones Who thinck they can. . . .
I want to
I will Kill and eat the Heart and livver of and drink the4 Blud of all them that. . . .
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