Rant Therapy

Venting good.  Exploding bad.  Let us joice . . . then rejoice!  Let us ventiearly and let us ventilate!

The US Coast Guard here in Florida recently returned a raft load of black and tan “freedom seekers” (criminals) to Cuba as the “poor, suffering, wretched refuse” was trying the reach Key West, then next stop, Key Easy Street.  Returned?  Tut, tut.  Mere window dressing.  Pure fol de rol.  The US Government has no more interest in stopping the illegal invasion of America than it does winning the so-called “War on Drugs” (which it has been losing now for upwards of fifty years).  Returning a few boat blacks looks good.  Reads well.  Keeps old Roy and Edna Crotchfield asleep in their rockers; convinces old Roy and Edna’s grown kids that something is being done about illegal immigration; tells them that America still works, still cares, still can.

Funny.  Odd.  If these “migrants” (as the newspapers now refer to such criminals as) from Cuba, Haiti, Jamaica, Trinidad, Bahamas, and thirty or more other impoverished black islands with Mexican-class birthrates can make it to the US and land on sand, they are here, dear, free and clear.  Under the “wet foot/dry foot” understanding, anyone caught at sea is supposedly (cough . . . clear throat) sent back; any one lucky enough to actually set foot on dry land gets to stay at taxpayers expense.  Lucky us!  Nice.  Lovely.  “Our” federal government in action.  There is your immigration law, folks.  Sounds precious much like the “law” that allows any Mexican vagina that can wade the Rio and who can squeeze out a frog here and who can thereupon claim that frog as a bona fide Red, White and Green Mexican-Merican, does it not? (yes, I know that technically only the frog is made a US citizen but hey, when was the last time you heard of an anchor baby staying and the criminal anchor baby maker being deported?)

As a resident of Florida I can say this: While most Americans think that the criminal invasion is mostly a Mexican/Central American thing, they fail to see what is going on in Florida.  From my observations, what this illegal black invasion by sea may lack in numbers it more than makes up for in criminality.  Judging by what I see locally, judging by what I hear locally, judging by what I sense locally, these people have zero, repeat, ZERO, zip, zest and zing for “honest” labor.  From what I see, hear, sense, the moment these “migrants” get here it is straight to the social services for them to get some of that free folding money and some of that free entitlement shit they have heard so much about, enough shit, at least, until they can get both feet firmly planted into the drug and sex trades, which is where many/most/perhaps all gravitate. 

Speaking of drugs, and the so-called “war” against: See any correlation? 

Americans, most of you—those of you, that is, who are not snoring like Roy and Edna—most of you already sense this but for what it is worth here ‘tis: “Your” government is your worst enemy!  With democratic governments like this, who needs communist dictatorships?

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Bitch Buckets--Almost always—nay, ALWAYS always—our local fish wrap gives waaaaay too much space to the cranks and crazies who feel compelled to ventilate, those who must get something "off their chests.”  These “Rants to the Editor” (once known as “Letters to the Editor”) are the first time that many have gotten their literary feet wet in public, so to speak.  Alas, most should have not gone near the water. 

Almost always--nay, ALWAYS always--the first-timers try to sound far more learned and intelligent than they really are.  From the looks of the letters, most writers spend more time checking the dictionary for the biggest multi-syllable words they can find rather than actually trying to nail a point.  For these literary giants, first order of business is to sound high-toned and brainy and not embarrass the good name of Norton, Kramden, Abbott, or Costello.  Example:

It has come to our considered attention that our esteemed and misguided city council has presumed a prerogative that our magisterial and legitimate legal authorities and American jurisprudence may question in proper venues and in court and who propose to suborn the lawfully elected mushroom soup.

Other ranters get po’ed at something they read in the paper and feel “compelled” to respond.

Harvey Swartz: “It takes a lot to get me riled, but. . . . “   

The All-Seeing Eye Sez:  No it doesn’t, Harv.  You get “riled” at virtually everything that doesn’t meet your standard of decency and dullness.

Morris Blumberg: “I feel it my duty to respond on behalf of all those. . . .” 

The All-Seeing Eye Sez:  Your “duty”, Moe?  Who appointed you local Indian lookout and moral Boy Scout for our lives?  And “all those”?  You mean on behalf of yourself and your wife, don’t you, Moe?  

Wilbur Bumstead:  “Everyone in this country has the right to express their own opinions, but. . . . 

The All-Seeing Eye Sez:  Well, not really.  Anyone who expresses an idea that differs from Wilbur’s is no better than an un-American Muslim atheist tub of pond scum who probably joins peace marches, engages in free sex and probably opposes the good old fashioned American method of torturing our enemies to death at Gitmo and at the six hundred other American torture pens around the globe.

Others get just a bit carried away with their anger.  Other than taking it out on their wives and the furniture, venting in the newspapers is the best they can do.  Here are a few random rants that have hit Florida fish wraps in the last few weeks:

1) I have never written to the paper before but I feel compelled to. . . .

2) I want to register a complaint about. . . .

3) I am disgusted by those who blame this grate country for. . . .

4) I hate it when some people urinate on. . . .

5) God knows my hart, but sometimes I want to phisicly hurt those who. . . . 

6) I hope all them that voted for that peece of garbige die horribel deaths. . . .

7) I want to poke the Eyeballs out of them Who thinck they can. . . .

8) I want to dekapatates . . . deecopiated . . . De Cappatate . . . I want to cut off the hed of evryone who. . . .

9) I will sloly Kill and eat the Heart and livver of all them that don’t agree with. . . .