Monday, October 29, 2012


From a flasher in a bookstore for the blind to a maskless mental retard who burglarizes a shop selling (what else?) security cameras . . . These cases and more prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that you just can’t fix stupid.

Can’t Fix Crazy, Either--An “out of control” human pit bull slugged a cop who tried to evict him from a homeless shelter here in Florida. Seems the 30-something gentleman had earlier fought with shelter staff members and when he would not leave the vexed staff called the blue lights. After sucker punching one cop, the maniac then grabbed the fallen officer and began gnawing on his head.  From the sound of it, seems he was one hungry homeless-sapien and he apparently would have eaten the cops head right down to the shoulder blades had not another policeman nearby given the cannibal a healthy jolt from his Buck Rogers ray gun. The only good thing to transpire from all this is that the attacker, with enough juice coursing through him to light an office building, fell and hit his worthless head hard on the curb. A pity the fall was not fatal--tax payers, of course, picked up the hospital tab. 

Wait a minute. . . . A homeless man booted out of a home for the homeless?  Who could make this crap up?

Can’t Fix Perverted, Either—Over on the wrong side of the state, the McDonald’s at Stuart, Florida, offers its customers free internet service with their McFood.  Most folks just check their email or fool around on face book.  One customer was sitting and enjoying his McLatte and catching up on some internet buzz when he heard moaning and groaning nearby.  Glancing over, he spotted 67-year-old John Overman watching McPorn on his laptop while at the same time he was playing with his McPenis.  Although Overman immediately shut down his computer when cops arrived, he was unable to stash all his trash in time.

"I'm not doing anything wrong," protested the disgusting wretch as he zipped his pants up.  Apparently, the judge who heard the case felt the same way and John Overman was soon a free pervert, out just in time to expose himself to kids walking home from grade school. 


Can’t  Do Much With Senile, Either--Michelle related a story to me recently. Seems this elderly couple stopping at a local grocery store had parked and while the wife got out with her walker the husband screwed around trying to remember how to turn the car off. As the woman was passing slowly behind the vehicle, one of the legs of her walker slipped on a piece of gravel causing her to fall. Well, since he was so preoccupied with the car keys the addled husband naturally didn’t see his wife disappear and, of course, he naturally chose this moment—of all moments--to back up. Now, rolling over something similar in size and shape to a sofa might cause most folks to stop and check it out; but not this old fellow. And again—and in the face of all logic--Instead of continuing backwards, the man now found his “drive” gear again, then drove over the “sofa” once more. Had not passersby stopped him, the husband might have remained in that parking lot all day, rolling backwards and forwards over his dead wife.

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