. . . I once foolishly assumed that with age came peace; that as a person grew older they gradually left impulsive and rash behavior behind and settled into some sort of golden bliss. With years and experience, I reasoned, came maturity and wisdom; with age came a cooling of a once-fiery soul. And as animal passions chilled and the libido mellowed, I surmised, reason would at last gain the throne and tranquility would reign supreme.
Well, Bull Sheet! From my observations down here at Senior Central, more people than not seem to grow old disgracefully. . . .
The other night, over at some miserable swamp clearing in central Florida, seems Doris and Chester Smith had a tiff. Nothing rad here. What couple doesn’t have a spat now and again? Well, this little argument escalated until the wife grabbed a knife and let her husband have the business end . . . over and over. When cops finally arrived they found Chester dead as dead could be and Doris “distraught and disoriented.”
Now, awful as it is, even a spousal argument that ends in murder is not really that big a deal here in depression-era Florida. It seems to happen every day. What makes this incident noteworthy is that Doris is 87-years-old and her hub, now newly deceased, was 93! My God! Is there no limit? Are some humans murderous all their existence? Now, I am assuming that Doris did not kill Chester for his insurance money (what would an 87-year-old person do with sudden wealth? Go to Vegas? Buy a new boat or sports car? Party 24/7?) And so, the only answer I can come up with that makes any sense is that Doris was a victim of domestic abuse. Domestic abuse! At that late stage--180 years of cumulative living--and two people, with virtually all four feet in the grave, yet still fighting and resorting to violence as if they were empty-headed children.
If ever there was a case for easy divorces in this country, this is it. Imagine: A man seven years short of the century mark working over his 87-year-old wife! How did he even find the strength to beat her? And why did she not flee from him, or, in this case, why did she not just creep from him on her walker or in her wheel chair? If this has been going on for long, why did they not just get a friggen divorce fifty or sixty years ago?
Boca Beat Down—Down at Boca Raton the other day, several local trouble-makers were playing a game of eight ball at the Palm Beach Country Club. When tempers flared an argument erupted. Grabbing for something to throw, one of the thugs, David Hartstein, found some pool balls handy and bounced a few off the coconut of one brawler. When another hoodlum stepped in for his friend he too received a couple of bonks on the block, just for good measure.
When cops arrived Hartstein was charged with “aggravated battery with a deadly weapon” and taken to jail. The two knot-headed victims were wheeled away to the hospital for treatment. David Hartstein is 61-years-old. His two victims are 91 and 79!
Another “young” demon, 61-year-old Edward Frederick Glowitz of here in Englewood, was in a foul mood the other night. Actually, like the pit bulls he probably owns, and the meth-addicted wife he probably beats, Ed Fred is always in a foul mood. Tonight, the more beer the outlaw biker guzzled at the Time Out biker bar, the more pissed off Ed became with life, the world in general, and a fellow biker in particular. Anyway, the verbal spat quickly ratcheted to a physical spat and Ed Fred threw a punch (which missed), then tossed a bar stool (which didn’t). Now thoroughly roused, Ed finally broke through several booze bags trying to break up the fight and managed to grab by the throat the object of his rage. What followed was pretty gruesome.
No mention on how old the victim was but whatever his age, he got a beating he would never forget. The beater first knocked the beatee down behind the bar. Then, as he straddled him, the attacker ripped off a soap dispenser from the counter and hit the man over and over again in the face and on the head. The dispenser finally shattered. Grabbing an empty wine bottle, Glowitz continued the vicious assault until that too finally broke.
With the victim now totally unconscious and perhaps even dead, Ed heard that the barkeep had called 911 and he decided to seek safer surroundings. His Harley didn’t get him very far, however, before he was arrested without incident and escorted to jail. No mention yet on the condition of the victim.
Stuff like the above, as well as the great many childish-acting old people I see all around, convince me that most folks may indeed mellow with age but for others, young fools become old fools, and hearts filled with rage in youth are generally hearts filled with rage in fossil-hood.
Caricature of the Day