Tuesday, June 14, 2011

The Other Orlando

Up at Orlando, there is never a dearth of entertaining news . . .

. . . be it foolish old coots with cardio concerns dropping dead after a whirl on the “TerrorTwirl,” or be it gators snatching, snapping and swallowing a drug dealer’s artificial leg. Truly, Orlando is a “magical” place for news.

Not long ago, it was an Orlando kid in the news . . . again. Seems this 8-year-old prodigy is working on some kind of record for the Guinness Book. This “high spirited” young lad was back in the news after he tore the hell out of his own grade school. The child was charged with aggravated assault, battery, malicious destruction of property, arson, and . . . well, gee whiz, just too many charges to name, I guess. Seems something set him off and he kicked, bit, punched, slugged, and slapped teachers and students alike; he also threw a metal pipe at someone, broke a window, destroyed a computer, and, oh my goodness, who knows what else this mischievous little imp did? (On 5.4.07 I wrote a blog about a distant cousin who sounds a lot like this kid. Check out “Down on the Farm 4”)

Anyway, when cops, SWAT and the national guard finally arrived, the tiny terror was pepper sprayed, tased, and wrestled to the ground like a wild animal—“Stop resisting! Stop resisting!!”--placed in cuffs, then hauled away to kiddie prison. Some “community leaders” openly complained that the cops’ reaction was a tad harsh on this rambunctious little lad since it was only his fifth or sixth arrest in the last four months. And, as another useless ass-wipe sneered, “Hell, it’s not like he committed murder or anything.”

Most bleeding heart whiners and social sissy-men will wail that this young human crime wave needs help. I agree. The kind of “help” I have in mind, however, is not the kind of help they have in mind. No, their kind of help is to make the taxpayers fork over for the next thirty years millions of dollars in social services, food stamps, and other feel-good-but-do-nothing BS. And when all that still does not work, then these “community leaders” point the finger at the rest of us as the real culprits. “It’s society’s fault,” they argue.

If that gutless society they are pointing at had any stones at all it might do some things that would at the very least ameliorate the situation above, viz., 1) implant a chip in the head of this menace to track his movements for the remainder of his natural life and 2) castration of this kid when he reaches puberty so that he does not procreate any more monsters like himself. We should also find the child’s mother, as well as the father (if one is still hanging around), and sterilize both. Depending on the situation, some serious jail time might also be in order as punishment for creating this monster in the first place.


Here’s Your Sign . . . Again!

ometime back (I’m too lazy to find the exact date) I blogged about a TV scam in which I, You, Me, We--and the other suckers of the world--would send ten bucks to some outfit and in return we would receive a special two-dollar bill. I mentioned that the bill featured our national parks on the back. I also pointed out, I think, that any retard who fell for such a crock deserved his fate. Ha! Now I see in today’s newspaper supplement that the “Littleton Coin Company” is trying out a similar slick with an ordinary $2 bill. In this case, however, to receive your crisp, new “seldom-seen and historic” two-dollar bill, all you need do is send the company a mere four dollars. Act within the next 15 days and Littleton, to show its appreciation, will toss in a shiny new quarter, just for you. Since the bills originally sold for $9.50 each, Littleton continues, this means that me and you and a dog named Blue and the other fools up there on that turnip truck will be saving a whopping 58% on these “exciting” two-dollar bills. “But hurry . . . limit five per customer.”

Hmmmm. No matter how fancy they dress this gorilla up, it’s still a gorilla and the none-too-bright Wal-Mart shopper is still swapping four dollars for two. All the same, I am sure Littleton has plenty of takers for this “once in a lifetime” offer.

Predators and prey. More natural balance at work. Depressing.

Under the Microscope