Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Among the Savages

Here, deep down, here deep down dog deep in the drudge of summer, my idle mind wanders; wanders away to Greenland (above) and the pure, cold air that has become but a cruel memory now. 
Murder, what I would not give this moment to escape our Florida furnace for a few; to just sail away back up yonder to Nanortalik, Greenland, dodging the icebergs and whales just to walk around that charming little Indian village, “where the dead outnumber the living and the sleddin’ is always tuff.”  Alas, I am doomed to roast here on this torrid sand spit for at least another month.  Alas, July . . . Alas, August . . . (gasps, collapses, dies).

Cops busted some local losers in Englewood the other night, three to be exact.  All were forty-something, all were pill pimps and all, of course, were pill poppers.  Hardly had this motley menagerie been led away when cops returned to the same apartment an hour later and found three more meth monkeys inside burglarizing the place.  These characters, all twenty- or thirty-something, infested an adjoining apartment and the moment police cleaned out one den of thieves, another den of thieves moved in.  
Unlike other regions of America, police work down here among the drug-crazed savages is a laid-back snap.  No need to waste time, gas or tax-payer dollars hunting these criminal masterminds; just grab a mag, buy a box of doughnuts, pull up a chair, and these idiots will come to you.  I’m pretty sure that if the Charlotte County Sheriff’s Office opened up an annex at the Englewood apartment complex above, or at our local “Mobile Garden”, or at any county Wal-mart, they could save a bunch more money by arresting ten or twenty swagmen and swagwomen every day ad infinitum without once getting into the cruiser.

Seldom does a day slip by without a story of some local kiddie fiddler fiddling local kiddies or some perv trying to perv underagers over the internet.   Usually, rather than nickel and dime bored readers, our local dead tree media waits until there is a sweep of thirty or more steaming sex wretches caught, then they wheel out spokespersons and trumpet the story.  But absolutely no day passes, I repeat, no day never  passes, unless there are five or six stories of sordid sex crimes here locally.  Whether it is some drunken douche-bag beating and raping an ex-wife, ex-girlfriend or any number of ex-somethings, or whether it’s some local perv jerkin’ his gherkin on our beaches in front of females, enough sex crimes are committed within rock-throwing range to keep our fish wrap full and our local Lust Control units busier, as Michelle might say, busier than one-armed paper hangers.
Maybe demographics have something to do with it.  Since there are about, oh, I would guess maybe two hundred thousand people living here in Charlotte County, and since, oh, I would guess maybe about a hundred thousand of ‘em are registered sex offenders, could be that’s part of the problem--half of Charlotte County are pervers and the other half are pervees.  Whatever. . . .
With so much crime and sex going on down here among the stump-grubbers and homeless head-hunters, I guess it stands to reason that there would be some crossover, as per the other night when a Punta Gorda “adult” store was robbed at gun point.  No mention if the perp was after cold cash or hot sex but from the description he obviously was a regular customer who didn’t want to be fingered.
“The suspect is described as a white male, about 6' 1" inches tall with a small, oval-shaped head,” read the report.  “He was wearing a black, hooded windbreaker, dark sunglasses, motorcycle gloves and a black and white bandana.  His head was very small.  About the size of a cocoanut”
Now, forget the fact that it has been in the mid-nineties all week and this pin head idiot is dressed for a day in Nanortalik, but with every inch of him covered like an Egyptian mummy, how the devil could anyone tell this geek was white, much less that he had a “small, oval-shaped head. . . . about the size of a cocoanut”?  Maybe he spoke and gave himself away as a Caucasian, but I have seen the surveillance image and he was so covered up that I could not tell if he was even a human, much less a white human with an egg-shaped cocoanut  for a head or a white human with a cocoanut-shaped egg for a head.