Monday, July 09, 2012


Speaking of mug shots, check out John Widmann III (below, left). . . .  “Hmmm . . . I’ll have some McRibs, some McNuggets and uh, I don’t know . . . oh, what the hell, give me a double order of McRage.”

Perhaps poor John Widmann III, 55, was suffering through the mother of all Big Mac attacks as he sat waiting for his order.  Or perhaps this chunk of raw anger had allowed his blood-sugar count to dip dangerously down to the “going postal” level. Or maybe this ‘tweener trouble-maker was just looking for some geezers to goad or some teens to terrorize.  Whatever, when a car pulled behind Jack’s white Mercedes in the McDonalds’ drive-thru the other day in Sarasota, our hero for some reason went berserk, went bananas, went bonkers, went ballistic.  Whipping out a pistol, he pointed it at the driver of the car and threatened to blow his mother-f-----g head off.  Then he threatened to blow the mother-f-----g head off an employee who was standing nearby taking a break.  Then Sir John the Third drew down on those poor kids working the window and offered to blow their mother-f-----g heads off, too.  Long-story-short, no gun play, no dead people, no mother-f-----g heads blown off, just some serious mother-f-----g fear and some copious peeing down the pant legs of all concerned. . . .

Cops chased our cocky cavalier down McIntosh Avenue (appropriately) then stopped him a short distance beyond.  Our rager thereupon professed his utter innocence; insisted that his arrest was a high crime and international outrage; declared that his konstitushunal rights were being violated . . . and his human dignity too. 

“I got a right to protect myself,” protested Widmann, apparently referring to the unarmed geez in the car behind him in the drive-thru and those burger-flippers with acne working at the restaurant.

Something in the Sarasota swamp water.  A month or so ago, stark raving daylight, a young man down from South Carolina just simply blew an old man’s mother-f-----g head off at a tiki bar there because of an off color comment or joke or something totally retarded that the senior uttered.  Then, too, there is the hobo head-chopping incident of last winter, that very same decapitation that we’ve all come to know and love . . . and don’t forget our seaside pervos and their public chicken-choking displays . . . . Wonder what Sarasota means in Seminole?  A Good Place to Spank Monkey?  A Good Place to Chop Off Heads?  A Good Place to Ice Some Mother-f-----g Wad Who Even Looks Side Ways At You?

Sam the Sham and his Shameless Scams--Because there are so many addled retirees here in Florida, senior scams seem much more urgent here than elsewhere.  I would imagine that several times an hour several Florida geezers are swindled out of their life savings, their homes and even the clothes on their backs.  One might imagine that it would be a simple enough thing to point out to these old suckers the error of their way, the nature of the scam, the obvious con going on, then receive their profuse and heartfelt thanks for helping them.  Not so.  Many of these people are not only completely off their rocker, but they are literally eaten alive with greed.  Check out what a columnist wrote today in our local newspaper: 

“I had a reader ask me whether she should send $500 to Spain since she got a letter from someone allegedly in that country advising her they had picked her lottery number and all she had to do was send that amount and they would send her $3.5 million.  She even let me in on what she planned to do with this new found cash.  When I told her this was a scam, she laughed at me and then sent the money.  That was over six months ago, and she is still going to the mailbox every day, anxiously awaiting the very large check.”

What does one do with a greed-driven senile like this?  Should we worry about them?  Should we watch their moves and prevent their crazed actions?  Does it matter?  After all, it is their money, right?  Yes, it is their money, true, but guess who must support these crazy old loons when the cons have succeeded in taking their last cent.  Guess?  Yep, that’s who, me and you and a dog named Blue.  None of us are just going to allow these people, stupid and disgusting tho they may be, to live and sleep on the streets when they lose their homes.  And so, we best be setting up major operations to save these greed buckets from themselves; we better be preying on the predators.  We all agree that anyone who would skin an old person is swamp scum.  So, let’s raise the stakes and put those type of offenders away for life.  Two strikes and they are “outta here!”  We also need to recognize these so-called “senior citizens” for what they are, viz., aging relics with the common sense and maturity of children.  Not only do we need to make it very hard for them to drive anything larger than a tricycle but we need to make it very hard for them to give away their savings to every sleazy scrotum who can dial a phone or type an email.

Photo of the Day