Thursday, January 12, 2012

Stalking the Great Political Grin

Politicians are known for their lies and their toothy smiles.  Like hogs and slop, they just kinda go together.  This current crop of corrupt smiling liars are setting new records in both areas.

Americans love beauty contests, especially if it involves politics.  Voting for a candidate based solely on his or her glittering smile beats work, I guess; beats actually reading and learning about a politician's position.  Generally, the best smile money can buy wins.  Simple.  This week Mitt Romney wins my "Frozen Smile Award."  I can honestly say that since the campaign began I have yet to see "Mitt the Flip" sport anything other than that trademark ear-to-ear tooth-skinner of his.  Perhaps Mitt's smile is painted on, or plastered on, or what not. Perhaps Romney is just Happy, Happy, Happy all the time; just a-beaming from ear-to-ear when he goes to bed at night, beaming when he gets up in the morn, when he takes his shower, when he eats his breakfast, when he jogs, when he dives into his swimming pool.  I do declare that Mitt's smile is so permanently frozen on his mug that even if a Greyhound Bus fully loaded with news cameramen rolled over his foot Mitt would somehow manage to smile for the cameras as he was being wheeled away to the hospital ER.

Last week, Rick Santorum won the smile award when he showed his ivory for a solid 56 hours straight without his face ever once breaking into a studied, serious or intelligent expression--nope, just that same idiotic grin from ear-to-ear for two and a half days running.

There are other candidates for the Frozen Smile Award but no one even comes close to the grin of that total loon, Michelle  Bachmann (above).  Ms. Bachmann's smile-on-steroids is in a category all unto itself.  Add those two glassy eyeballs staring into space and the picture is pretty much complete.  Now that she is mercifully out of the race and has been sent packing back to where ever it was that she came from, it may take some serious surgery to remove that grinning iron mask that seemingly is welded on her face.

The only candidate who does not smile non-stop and who actually frowns by turns, and grimaces, and ponders, and thinks, and hence, actually looks human, is Ron Paul.  His seems the only normal face in this entire political space race.  Speaking of space, if aliens land in the midst of this political side show I'm sure they will take the good Texas doctor with them since they would rightly conclude that NO ONE--not in this world or theirs--could be that madly, insanely happy 24/7 as the others candidates appear to be. 


Man's Best Enemy--Cops were called to a local home on the mainland the other night when a local dog bit a local man, and bit him, and bit him, and bit him.  Seems the 40-year-old owner of the--SURPRISE!--pit bull had been bitten by the dog numerous times before but these recent "nips"--arms, legs, buttocks, chest, belly, head, hands, ear lobes, you name it--were a bit over the top.  The owner and his family were so frightened by the pooch that when the critter was not out running loose terrorizing the hood they had to keep him locked on the lanai, or porch, for their own protection.  A bloody mess in shredded clothing, the victim was taken away to the hospital for maybe one thousand stitches and $30,000 worth of fix-up work while the pit was taken to doggie prison.

Sometimes I wonder why the cops even bother.  Surely they had better things to do that night than saving this rocket scientist from . . . himself.


Phuny For the Day