Saturday, July 30, 2011

अमेरिका से भारत प्यार के लिए के साथ,

Bad news or not, it will be a good day to live today, a good day, indeed. I just looked out my window a moment ago and beheld that rarest of rare sights—an armadillo successfully crossing the road!

Code Red! Geezer Alert!! All of my loyal readers between Manasota Key and the North Pole need to be on extra high alert for the next several weeks. Seems George Sutherland of here in Charlotte County, long since diagnosed with Alzheimers, got PO’d the other day at the behavior of his bossy family.  Seems the family in question who was looking after him tried to force George to start wearing clothes when guests came to the house and to stop him from walking naked around the neighborhood at night.

Steamed, George threw all those duds that he never wears anyway into the back seat of the car, then announced that he was moving to Massachusetts to live as nature intended him, i.e., stark raving naked. And that's the last anyone has seen of him. Of course, even with the Olde Bay State on his brain it’s anyone’s guess where the addled 92-year-old man will ultimately smash up his car—Key West? Guatamala? Yankee Stadium? The bottom of the Grand Canyon? In the meantime, no telling how many restaurant walls George will crash through, how many post offices he will demolish or how many poor cyclists he will run over before he is caught.

Truly, a 90-something person driving a car is, in and of itself, a scary, scary thought; add Alzheimers to the mix and it is something akin to a nuclear tipped mine floating loose in the ocean but no one knows where. Primary care-givers who allow their crazed relatives easy access to car keys should be held responsible for the consequences. If the seniles raise hell with them about “needing more freedom” and demand “greater independence,” then the care-givers should give them toy car keys to play with and perhaps buy them a whizzo gyro float-a-boat (below) to pedal around in the garage--they’ll never know the difference. But for God’s sake, hide the damn car keys!

When George is finally found, or when he finally kills a dozen or more people—which ever comes first—I’ll give a full update.

Update: Well, now THAT was quick! Safe, if not sound, old George was located 24 hours after leaving Florida. Since he was found in Atlanta it seems he was headed in the general direction, generally. No mention yet of deaths or the debris field left in Sutherland's wake as he consistently confused the gas pedal for the brake and crashed his way north. No mention either of any penalties placed on the family who would allow George access to a two-ton torpedo.

Postscript—For reasons not clear, a large number of retarded people in India read this blog (second only to the USA). The title in Hindi of this particular post--"From America, To India, With Love”—is a tip to those folks. To my Indian friends: Good Luck, God Bless, and Practice Birth Control!