Tuesday, February 09, 2010

History Hulk

My love of history certainly did not spring from the courses I had in high school. Not only was I a scholastic no-show during those four wasted years, but the football coaches-parading-as-history-instructors wouldn't have been any help even had I wanted to learn. How dumb were these characters? Pretty dumb. It took two of 'em to turn a car around--one on the front bumper and one on the back.

Without a doubt the dumbest teacher I ever had in high school, or anywhere else, was one of these above cited characters. He was a former lineman or something from a college noted for its football teams and little else. This guy had it all. He was big, dumb, mean, dumb, aggressive, dumb . . . and did I mention "dumb?"

One day in class this "teacher" asked a rather dim student: "Okay Simpson*, where's Tokyo?"

Simpson seemed a bit surprised by the question, then, with a stupid look on his face, he replied, "Tokyo!"

"No . . ." said the ox-like buzz-cut who was himself half asleep. "I mean where's Tokyo?"

"Tokyo!" said simple Simpson simply.

By now, the hulk was fully aroused. He stared for a second or two in angry amazement.

"Tokyo!" answered Simpson with the same stupid grin on his face.

"TOKYO'S IN TOKYO?" asked the ox incredulously.

"Yes," said Simpson. "Tokyo, Tokyo."

"Well, for your information stupid," the teacher mocked, "Tokyo's NOT in Tokyo. It's in China! TOKYO, TOKYO! Ha!"

True story!

No, my historical awakening had to await for that fine day when I first ventured into a college classroom. There, I found that not only were the professors wide awake, but they definitely knew where Tokyo was. Worse, they were more than eager to hand out "F's" to the deserving, one of which I promptly proceeded to "earn."

*fictitious name


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