Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Quick and the Dead

Lovely local lady, Anna Bastianelli, was po’ed because she had to wait sooooo long for her renewed driver’s license to arrive in the mail. 

Finally, the irate woman contacted the local newspaper and spoke with the “consumer advocate” columnist there. In turn, this scribbling do-gooder promptly buzzed the Florida DMV. Anna’s license to drive was in the mail the next day. 

And so, Ms. Bastianelli now has a legal Florida driver’s license with all the rights and privileges contained therein including, 1) the right to ram into other cars, trucks and school buses, 2) the right to run over pedestrians and bikers like me, 3) her legal right to crash through post office walls and fly off piers, and 4) even her right to drive on the road now and then.
  Anna Bastianelli is 93.

  Do-badder?  Do-deather?  You decide!

Kiss Your Kismet Goodbye--Forty-four-year-old Floridian, Adon Newsome, was biking from somewhere in Bradenton to somewhere in Bradenton waaaay early last dark Sunday morn.  Adon was crossing over the Manatee River on the Desoto Bridge.  At the same time, thirty-five-year-old Gustavo Ramirez was driving his car from somewhere in Bradenton to somewhere in Bradenton.  Gustavo was also crossing over the Manatee River on the Desoto Bridge.  Seems Gustavo did not see Adon or perhaps Adon did not see Gustavo.  Maybe neither saw neither.  Whatever, never bring a bike to a car fight.  Adon was launched off his bike like a missile and sent headlong right into the black river below.
Gustavo continued across the river and reported the incident to the local hospital located just off the bridge.  But Lord!  Bad enough to be smote by a two-ton car and knocked stupid into a wide river.  Being hit by a car, falling fifty feet, and drowning may have been the least of Adon’s problems, however, for there are more things in that river that can kill a person than you can shake a stick at.  In the final analysis, even a hospital a few hundred yards away meant nothing.  Clearly, Adon Newsome’s stay on earth was over . . . emphatically over.

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